Monday, February 29, 2016



What is a Rare Disease? According to Wikipedia, just for an easy and quick definition, a rare disease is defined as the following:
A rare disease, also referred to as an orphan disease, which is any disease that affects a small percentage of the population.
There is no single, widely accepted definition for rare diseases. Some definitions rely solely on the number of people living with a disease, and other definitions include other factors, such as the existence of adequate treatments or the severity of the disease.

(The words in different colors are LINKS that take you elsewhere, but I have it set so a NEW window opens so you won't lose this post!)
In the United States, the Rare Diseases Act of 2002 defines rare disease strictly according to prevalence, specifically "any disease or condition that affects fewer than 200,000 people in the United States,"[2] or about 1 in 1,500 people. This definition is essentially like that of the Orphan Drug Act of 1983, a federal law that was written to encourage research into rare diseases and possible cures.

**MORE INFORMATION YOU NEED TO KNOW - (and this is ONLY to help because I could be completely wrong in telling you how this works because the last time I read this was a few years ago, so I could be wrong so please double-check this!) AS LONG AS YOU HAVE WORKED FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS, YOU CAN APPLY FOR SOCIAL SECURITY. STIFF PERSON SYNDROME, ALONG WITH 119 OTHER DISEASES, AND THERE COULD BE "MORE" THAN 119 OTHER DISEASES RIGHT NOW ARE CALLED "FAST-TRACKED ILLNESSES". What that means is you do NOT have to wait the usual amount of time that is normally required to get Social Security. Of course you need an attorney to get you through the ropes of SS, but you should start receiving benefits ASAP! There is NO waiting period! Excellent, huh! FINALLY, THE GOVERNMENT HAS REALIZED THERE ARE DISEASES OUT THERE THAT CANNOT WAIT TO BE TREATED, AND THOSE SPECIFIC DISEASES ARE ON THE FIRST PAGE OF THE SOCIAL SECURITY PAPERWORK!
MY STORY: To read my story with Stiff Person Syndrome, go to the TAB up above that says, "About Me" and click on it! You can read all about me and what this disease does, and how "I" and my family lives with it, and how we have lived with it, and I have not yet added how we are going to live with it into the future. 
I just went to NORD and looked up Stiff Person Syndrome, and since the FIST TIME I looked it up there, they have added MORE illnesses that go along with it, and I have about DIED! I have that skin disease they talk about where your skin turns into white spots (you lose the melatonin in your skin) and it is VERY embarrassing! People look at you strangely and I had one Dentist who would NOT leave me alone about it! I wish I knew THEN what I know NOW! It is called Vitiligo and IS a part of SPS! I just about DIED when I saw that because if you only KNEW the NUMBER of Dermatologists we went to trying to find out WHAT this was! Here it is in black and white! WOW!!! Plus my fatigue - I am not making enough red blood cells and it's called Anemia. I need shots of Vitamin B-12 because I cannot absorb B-12 from my stomach! WOW! That explains why I have been coming up as Anemic on my blood tests! 
This goes to show you you NEED to read up about your rare diseases more often than what I have done! HERE ALL THOSE ANSWERS WERE! AMAZING!!!
Well, for the FUTURE, you know those those Tiny Houses? Yep! We want about a 500 to 550sq ft tiny house! Something SMALL! It would be EASY on me! It will force us to live with the BARE minimum so if either of us were to go, there is not much to get rid of! It would just make MY life so much EASIER!!! We would LOVE it! Required: Permanent Foundation. I know many people are building on trailers, but we want to hook into the city's sewer system! NO! We do NOT want a recyclable toilet! LOLOL!!!!! NO WAY!!!!!!!!! We want hot water showers for as LONG as they will last us!!! There are just some things we are NOT willing to give up! Besides, it hurts to much for me to ride as a passenger in a car/truck to pull a HOUSE behind us! I know here in Michigan we do not have ALL our bridges at 13'10", either. I've seen some bridges ONLY as tall at 11"! We would be majorly stuck!
I am just SO excited about living in a NEW house!!! We want KING size beds, the kind that recline, and the windows in the bedroom would be up high! No worries about privacy!

Why do “I” get excited about celebrating Rare Disease Day? Because I happen to have a rare disease called Stiff Person Syndrome. Only 1 in 1 MILLION people worldwide get this disease, which tells you how rare it is. If you would like to learn more about this rare disease I live with EVERY day, then click on the Tab titled, "About Me". You will learn more than what you probably want to even know about me! LOL! (Time to update it! I just realized it's 5yrs old!) Quickly, I fight muscle spasms in EVERY muscle of my body, ALL day, EVERY day. It is a very painful disease, as muscle spasms are extremely painful. I am not able to work because of it, and my life drastically changed on August 16th, 2004. Yes, I will ALWAYS remember that date! That was the date I landed IN BED in the fetal position riddled with muscle spasms. I had NO CLUE what was happening. I had had muscle spasms similar to these, but not as hard, long or as painful as these turned out to be. These were also the first ones that made it difficult to breathe because each time my chest moved to inhale air, it set off MORE spasms! Thankfully, I have since found my diagnosis, which is NOT EASY to do. It took me about 2-1/2 years to find the correct one, but once found, fit like a GLOVE! That was the hardest part, finding out what was wrong. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but this part can take YEARS! You can have doctors telling you you are crazy! Hang in there! Keep searching to find out what's wrong. Your body would NOT be doing what it is doing if nothing were wrong, so keep on searching! The name of YOUR disease IS OUT THERE, YOU JUST HAVEN'T FOUND IT YET! 
If you ever want to talk about the frustration of finding out what is wrong, the BEST thing that helped me was to find online support groups. Some people in those groups may even help you and steer you to different groups to join, too! They can be some of the MOST HELPFUL people there are out there! I wish you the BEST in your struggle! 
My struggle: I had been treating with a Rheumatologist, and when I asked her if I could go to a Neurologist for another opinion, and which only made sense according to what I had been finding in the research I was doing, the diagnosis she had given me of Osteoarthritis AND Sarcoidosis did NOT seem to fit, in my and my husband's opinion. It did NOT. It was NOT Osteoarthritis NOR Sarcoidosis!
When I first asked her, the Rheumatologist to go see a Neurologist, she was LIVID at me! She was so angry she was yelling at me and telling me that the Neurologist would ONLY tell me the SAME diagnosis' that she had already done, BUT, since I was demanding she do so, she would write the referral for me. That tipped me off, and for YOUR benefit, if that ever happens to you, PLEASE let it tip you off, too. SHE wanted ME to go see HER CO-WORKER DOCTOR! Ah, NO! I could see that turning out to becoming a nightmare FULL of wrong diagnosis' even MORE! SHE suggested the doctor I should go see out of anger, but I could just see the two of them getting together to prove ME wrong, that my GUT FEELING about the diagnosis' she gave me were wrong. I just had those feelings you CANNOT IGNORE COMING FROM YOUR GUT, ALMOST LIKE SOMEONE WHISPERING INTO YOUR EAR SAYING, "PLEASE DON'T GO THERE!" So, I thought better of her suggestion. Instead, I told her "I" would choose the doctor and call her office after I had an appointment date so they could write up the Referral because I knew of a very well known Neurological Center out of a very large hospital with a wonderful reputation. THAT SCARED THE HECK OUT OF HER! (I could see her getting together with the doctor SHE wanted me to see and they would talk about me and come to a diagnosis, HER ORIGINAL DIAGNOSIS, and I would be NO FURTHER AHEAD!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD NOT LIVE WITH the thought of that.
If this EVER happens to you, you know that voice that has been going off inside your head that's been guiding you all along so far, or, call it your gut feeling, or your intuition, it's ALL the same thing! That is a warning between your head and your body trying to tell you that something is not right. There IS a Board of doctors, their own peers, who work in the same field, and your treating physician who is WRONG, who has been treating you the wrong way for YEARS is RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HEALTH, THEY would have to stand in front of them and plead their case and could possibly LOSE THEIR MEDICAL LICENSE! You can take it further if you have gone through something like I did. iT'S WRONG when doctors hold us back from being able to get the CORRECT treatment and had us on the WRONG medications, etc.!
In my case, the doctor was not right, just like I thought! I DID listen to that little voice that kept going off in my head telling me the doctors I HAD were SO WRONG, it was the medications that were SO WRONG! SCARY!! I was on medications I had no REASON to be on, etc., etc.! The Neurologist got me OFF the wrong medications and onto the correct medications, and finally I could at LEAST get a little more relief from the muscle spasms. That medication only lasts 4 hours, and it doesn't always work, but, what I was taking only lasted every 2 hours, IF that, plus all the other wrong medications that left my immune system at risk. I AM trepedacious of doctors now after that! You won't catch me going to any different doctors than the ones I have now, or if I do, I make SURE by drilling the girls who work in the office how open minded the doctor is, does the doctor step outside of their box in thinking about diagnosis'? "That" right there tell me so MUCH about a doctor! IF they are willing to get OUT of their textbook and consider other things INSTEAD of the "same ole, same ole" diseases that walk through their door.
Looking back I should have taken it further, but I did not know that back then.
I say that because EVERY doctor I have EVER gone to NOW has NEVER KNOWN what Stiff Person Syndrome is. Imagine yourself sitting there waiting for your doctor, the doctor coming in the room (finally! After waiting an HOUR inside that 4x4 BOILING HOT ROOM!!!) They immediately excuse themselves and (I have HEARD the doctors say this!) ask their nurses, nurse assistant's, and other doctors if they have EVER heard of SPS, and the answer if NO! They have to go to the INTERNET and look it up!!! That is not really a doctor you want to have! If you can educate them and they DO understand the illness, then they are okay to continue to go to, but ONLY IF they TRULY understand it.
Again, it's YOUR body! If something doesn't seem right, then do what you need to do for it! Get the correct diagnosis', the correct medications and off the wrong ones. Be with the doctors who are the pro's at dealing with your illness, etc. I don't wish what I/we (my husband went through all of this with me, too! He is a GEM!!!) have on ANYONE ELSE! Also, it doesn't matter HOW MAD ANY doctor gets at you, especially when it comes to trying to find out what is wrong with you and quite a few doctors DO have a hard time figuring out a diagnosis for you at times, but they MUST understand WHY you want to see other doctors. You NEED a CORRECT DIAGNOSIS! YOUR HEALTH IS ALL YOU HAVE, AND WITHOUT YOUR HEALTH, LIFE CAN BE SO DIFFICULT TO LIVE, and sometimes very dangerous, too. I am on medications for my rare disease, and it's STILL hard to breathe when the muscle are spasming! Imagine NO medication and trying to breathe!
I remember the FIRST SPECIALIST I saw! He knew IMMEDIATELY what I had! He BARELY asked me ANY questions! He could tell by seeing how I tried to walk, and I guess how my body looks, he could SEE the muscle spasms, and so much more! HE KNEW INSTANTLY!!! 
THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE OF A DOCTOR WHO IS A SPECIALIST (a neurologist I wanted to go to! Remember, I did NOT go to that first neurologist because he was friends with my treating doctor, and my treating doctor was LIVID at me for doubting HER diagnosis, but LOOK HOW WRONG SHE WAS!!!) and a different specialist who wanted to REFUSE me ANY further medical treatment! HOW WRONG!
ALWAYS go to the specialists you need! Don't allow doctors who are bullies to bully you around and NOT ALLOW YOU TO GO! RUN, RUN AWAY FROM THEM AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Those actions are telling you that NO, the DON'T KNOW what is wrong with you, and if you go to another doctor, "I" could get into trouble! Remember that, please!
One last thing. Treatment. If you do not agree with even a specialist's idea of treatment, that does NOT mean you need to have it done! Go with what YOU are comfortable! Don't allow them to bully you into treatment you are not so sure about! Go home, think about it, look it up online, go to the online support groups, you know what to do now! Go for it! I wish you the BEST in getting your rare disease diagnosis!

Find MORE information at Don't miss it AND FROM NORD! What is NORD? National Organization for Rare Diseases! A site that has EVERY rare disease and is SO helpful! They provide information about ALL the rare diseases for free online AND you can also request it from the mail, too!
Here is the link to the long list of rare diseases! I HOPE this helps you! NORD:

Sunday, February 28, 2016

#BOOK #REVIEW - Your New Money Mindset: Create a Healthy Relationship with Money by Brad Hewitt, James Moline

"Your New Money Mindset" is a new way of thinking about the role money plays in our lives. Many of us live with ongoing, and often unexamined, tension related to money. Few of us have really escaped the credit-card trap or freed ourselves from worries about having enough for the future. Co-authors Brad Hewitt, CEO of Thrivent Financial, and James Moline, licensed psychologist, believe we haven't spent enough time examining our fundamental attitudes toward money and aligning those attitudes to our core values. Before you can remake your money habits, you need to start with your heart. In "Your New Money Mindset, " Brad and Jim guide you through the Money Mindset Assessment, which will help pinpoint what attitudes about money you could work on in order to develop an openhearted attitude to life. The goal is to cultivate a surplus mindset that allows you to enjoy what you already have and be generous toward others. Discover today how to free yourself from the money trap and create a healthy relationship with money.

4 Stars!
This book has some excellent ideas to help you save money going into the future, but most important of all, it gets you to start thinking differently about your attitude about money, and how you handle your money. I never really thought I had an attitude towards money, but now that I read this book, I see that I DO have an attitude towards money! I have to change that!
One part of this book that really stands out to me is how a young woman was so happy with her life! She said she was happy because she really knew what she wanted out of life and her money. This woman had Down’s Syndrome and I was pretty interested in what she had to say. She said she knew she would never have this position or be in a certain position. Because she was so realistic about where she would go with her job in her life, she felt “content”. WOW! That was a new one for me! I never really thought about life and money like that before. SO interesting.
This book really picks at your thought process about money, and it really  gets you thinking. It shows you how you can be happy with what you have now, already and into the future. There are things you can do that make it even better, but only if you really want to. This book even goes so far as discussing saving money for your community, i.e., United Way! THAT was VERY interesting! This is a must-read regardless how you look upon religion.
I HIGHLY recommend reading this book! I know there may be a lot of references to God and church in this book, and perhaps that may not be your ‘thing’, this book is so worth reading because of the way it gets you thinking about money so differently than you ever have before, if you can do read it and get through the parts that perhaps you may not agree with, PLEASE DO IT. for YOUR benefit!
(Thrivent USED TO BE ONLY for the Lutheran Faith, but NO LONGER!!! As of March/April 2014 they expanded and now allow anyone to join their banks, financial services, etc. It’s completely different than it used to be for you possible naysayers out there. You may like it VERY much, or at least love what these authors have written about!)
I received this book for FREE from the publisher, Tyndale, in exchange to read and write a review about this book. It is NOT required for this review to be either positive or negative, but of my own honest opinion. "Free" means I was provided with ZERO MONIES to read this book nor to write this review, but to enjoy the pure pleasure of reading it. I am disclosing this information in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255, Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

ebook: $  9.99
print:   $11.70

Saturday, February 27, 2016


Welcome everyone! I have a few things I want to share with you really quick!
First, please look in the LEFT SIDE COLUMN at ALL the #Giveaways I have going on ALL AT THE SAME TIME! LOTS!! This upcoming week I have another! What will it be? It will be for YOU to find out!

This week Monday is (WORLD) RARE DISEASE DAY!!! I suffer from one of these orphan diseases and LOVE to celebrate this day each year to bring awareness to them to YOU so you know about them! WHO EVER THOUGHT "I" WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A RARE DISEASE??? NOT ME - OH, WAIT!! YES, I 'AM' SUFFERING FROM ONE! UNBELIEVABLE BUT BELIEVABLE! COME SEE WHAT THEY ARE IN CASE "YOU" MAY HAVE ONE! Or possibly a family member or a friend, the list goes on and on and on. If ANYONE out there has an illness that cannot be diagnosed, THEY JUST MIGHT HAVE ONE OF THESE RARE DISEASES! I'll tell you where to go to look them up, too!

MORE INFO TO COME MONDAY, FEBRUARY 29th! I HOPE to see you! Thanks!!
Know someone with a rare disease? Give them double hugs!! They NEED them! Perhaps do something special for them, a visit to their house, or even ask if there is some housework they really need done they can't do, (like vacuuming! Hint, hint!!! My hubby is GREAT with so MUCH stuff, but that does get overlooked at times, and I just cannot do it.) You would make their day!!! I cannot EXPRESS ENOUGH how much doing ONE little thing like that for them would make their day!

I HOPE to see you back on Monday! I have MORE information, especially for those of you who have not been ABLE to find a diagnosis for whatever is ailing you! It just might be one of these rare diseases. You NEVER think it's YOU who could suffer from this, but . . . YEP! It very well COULD be you!

Okay! Give extra hugs/kisses!! I'll see you Monday with more!!! Thanks for stopping by!

#StackingtheShelves #25! Plus blog updates and more!

Thanks to our Sponsor, Tynga's Reviews

Hello everyone! It's that time of week again, that time to do an awesome "SHOW AND TELL" of the books I have been given, I bought, borrowed, or received somehow, some way this past week! I LOVE showing books off like this! Especially when the books have AWESOME COVERS!! That is MY favorite part!!
With THIS POST I am often always finding MORE amazing books and adding them to my TBR list! That list is longer than my life already, but that's okay! What's life without a list with reading on it longer than my life? There is NOT ONE!!! I also LOVE to see other books and I like to look for trends! How do I do that? When I see the same book on other blogs quite often, I KNOW that book HAS TO BE GREAT!! That's the BEST way to spot an amazing book!

GOODREADS: Make sure to ADD any books you find you want to read to your TO BE READ list on your Goodreads page! Why? Goodreads will send you a NOTICE telling you "a book on your To Be Read list" is in a Giveaway" . . . for however long! Nice, eh . . . ? Oh, yes!!! You get to go over to Goodreads and ENTER THE GIVEAWAY!
Want to see MORE books like mine each week? Awesome!! Many of you who do not go to the Sponsor's blog on Saturday's may not know you really should go there to do the following:
When you are done here, go up to the top of this post where I thank the Sponsor, Tynga's Reviews (that is the Sponsor) you really w and click on that sponsor's name. Once at Tynga's Reviews, find HIS/HER POST and follow the Arrows TO READ the post, "Stacking the Shelves" meme, which is usually ALWAYS the first post on the LEFT of her blog. Click on the arrow! You'll get to see what he/she got, BUT, what I'm after to show you is to SCROLL DOWN FURTHER, and you'll see usually a VERY LARGE and LONG Linky-List of blogs GALORE!!! Blogs ADD their names to this list ALL DAY LONG!! I've been known to add mine close to midnight on Saturday! Visit a few blogs! You're now ADDICTED to Stacking the Shelves! (Sorry - not really!!! LOL!!!)

***GIVEAWAYS!!! ALWAYS CHECK THE LEFT SIDE COLUMN for the most recent GIVEAWAYS! (Please check the dates just in case you are here after the giveaway is over. ALL the Giveaways I have on my blog each week will have ALL of the Giveaways posted right there! They are YOURS TO ENTER!

***BLOG UPDATES! I will have EVERYTHING that is going on HERE/AT MY BLOG posted HERE in THIS POST from now on EVERY SATURDAY! It makes it easier for everyone to make ONE stop HERE on the weekends! Thanks! Have a GREAT weekend!!

I have a Rare Disease, and it's all under "About Me".


The Ones Who Matter Most by Rachael Herron 
Release Date: April 5th, 2016
My Review Date: April 7th, 2016
Mother's Day Book!

Modern Girls by Jennifer S Brown
Release date: April 5th, 2016
My Review Date: April 12th, 2016
Mother's Day Book!

Keep Me Posted by Lisa Beazley
Release Date: April 5th
My Review Date: April 1st, 2016

Thanks for stopping by!

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

#BOOK #REVIEW AND #GIVEAWAY "Girls Who Travel" by Nicole Trilivas

A hilarious, deftly written debut novel about a woman whose wanderlust is about to show her that sometimes you don’t have to travel very far to become the person you want to be…

There are many reasons women shouldn’t travel alone. But as foul-mouthed, sweet-toothed Kika Shores knows, there are many more reasons why they should. After all, most women want a lot more out of life than just having fun. Kika, for one, wants to experience the world.

But ever since she returned from her yearlong backpacking tour, she’s been steeped in misery, battling rush hour with all the other suits. Getting back on the road is all she wants. So when she’s offered a nanny job in London – the land of Cadbury Cream Eggs – she’s happy at the prospect of going back overseas and getting paid for it. But as she’s about to discover, the most exhilarating adventures can happen when you stay in one place…

Wise, witty, and hilarious, Girls Who Travel is an unforgettable novel about the highs and lows of getting what you want—and how it’s the things you least expect that can change your life.

My Take:
3.5 Stars!
This book happens to be about Kika telling us about the travels she 'had' in her past more so than her travels while she was doing them. Granted, she had to pick up jobs here and there to fund her immense wanderlust, which only makes sense, but it did catch me off guard because I was looking forward to this book being about her travels and not her working jobs. I thought that was a little off in the description of the book. 
You can have all the wanderlust you want, but you need to make sure you can afford it and not have to worry about getting jobs in-between like she had to. That showed more me a lot of immaturity, a person who is a ‘I want it now and I’m going to get it now, regardless. Had she planned her trips in the first place, she never would have had to worry about money.
I found the book humorous in a few places in the beginning of it only.
One huge thing that I just cannot understand this about this book is the fact Kika is billed as a foul-mouthed is an extremely 'I want it now', sweet toothed young woman, all the things you would NOT want kids around??? Although, aren't kids like this sometimes, too, so they may be a good fit? Kika is offered (an offer of a lifetime, for her right now because it's back in London) of being a "Nanny" (around children, and they soak up everything! Swearing around them is not going to get it!) is why this does NOT make sense! If she does talk as bad as this book reflects, then other people would pick up on this, and if I were looking for a Nanny, I would not want that type of potty-mouthed young woman around my children! This author completely chose the wrong profession for this character (WHAT was she thinking?) because I could not stop thinking about that! It makes no sense! Or am "I" the one at fault here for thinking swearing I know I am not able to control around anyone, and knowing my swearing is SO bad I need to ask my friends to help me not swear because it is so second nature to me that when my own mother comes to visit me those friends need to help keep me in check so I don't swear, so the character is offered a job as a Nanny??? (How long would a visit with your mother be? A few hours? And Kika is going to be a NANNY around children ALL DAY?) Please don't ask me to understand this because as a reader, I cannot. I cannot set aside my common sense for this, nor should I be asked to.
This mismatch of a young adult woman and her 'dream job' so she can stay abroad is the largest oxymoron I have ever read in a book. This is like puzzle pieces that don't fit together, never will, but you cram them together anyway. I'm sure some of you have had friends who swear like crazy, and when they try to clean it up they are not able to no matter how hard they try. Some words are not even swear words to her!
The other thing that appeals to her wanting to travel is her a friend who is a boy but could become so much more who lives abroad.
We learn of Kiki's travels as she tells us about them, not as she does them. We don't get to go and travel with her. I have to admit I made that mistake and thought I would be traveling with her, but no, it's this character's memories she tells us about, not as they happen.
The description of this book states ‘this is an unforgettable novel’, and I have to say I feel kind of bad saying this, but as I came back to write this review, well, it was forgettable for myself, and these end up being the hardest books to write reviews about. Thankfully, I have highlighted notes I am always able to go over (the great plus of an ebook for reviewing on!), and I have not had to do that in a LONG time!
I received this book for FREE from the publisher, PENGUIN GROUP Berkley, NAL, and NetGalley in exchange to read and write a review about this book. It is NOT required for this review to be either positive or negative, but of my own honest opinion. "Free" means I was provided with ZERO MONIES to read this book nor to write this review, but to enjoy the pure pleasure of reading it. I am disclosing this information in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255, Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

If you would like to enter to win a copy of this book, please enter these few questions! Thanks!


#BOOK #REVIEW: Come As You Are; The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, PH.D.


5+++ STARS!!!
First thing right off the bat I want to suggest is to purchase the PRINT version of this book. I had a little difficulty getting around this book with it being an ebook. I don’t ordinarily read and write reviews about books like these only to have to go and post a REVIEW on my blog, in public, where EVERYONE knows me, too! Talk about embarrassing!!! Oh, Me OH MY, so here goes!!! Writing about books about sex can be and is extremely personal, but I urge you to share this extremely informative book with your friends and others, men, too! This book is NOT ONLY meant for women. If a man really wants to learn everything there is about women at all stages of their sexual life, this is THE book to teach them. Ladies, there is so much information in this book for US! We may think we know it all as we have our own body and have already experienced a lot, but this book has even more you would never or could never even guess about. 
I believe I may have received this book from a comment I may have left somewhere, and a publicist from Simon and Schuster has been kind enough to share this book with me! I thank them SO, SO, SO MUCH, to whoever you are! I have learned SO MUCH from this book, it’s kind of crazy! You would think a woman my age and done with menopause would already know ALL of this! I am being honest and telling everyone I did not! Now I have a whole NEW can of worms that opened up with menopause, as the saying goes! This book has helped tremendously with that, too! Again, this IS how thankful I am I 'did' get to read this book!  I tossed around writing a review about this book back and forth because of the feeling of embarrassment, but don't let that stop you from reading this OR from sharing it with your girlfriends, too. That is what pushed me on to write this review, to show you it's okay to talk about this and share the information from it. It truly would be a shame to miss out on ANY information in this book. If this book can help ONE person out there like it has helped me and so many others, then HERE IS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SEX LIFE AND MORE INTO THE SHAPE IT SHOULD BE IN! LIFE IS SHORT - ENJOY IT!!! THAT’S MY MOTTO!!! This author wrote an ENTIRE BOOK, and she does NOT think this is embarrassing, and you know what? It is NOT! It is REAL! It is true, it is HONEST, it covers a NORMAL HUMAN BODILY FUNCTION that just happens to feel really, really GREAT! With the teaching in this book, that feeling of GREAT goes to WONDERFUL, EXTREMELY, I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT WHAT I LEARNED NOW!!! Another thing to keep in mind is in the future, this book may become helpful again. As we age, sex changes, and our bodies change. Sex is always changing, your body is always changing, and sex changes again! Over and over and over. It repeats, and sometimes NEW problems POP UP! The author covers EVERYTHING I think there is to be known about sex and more. I think every woman should read this book because of the information it has in it. 
So I found "the" book FOR WOMEN! THIS, IS IT! Then . . . NOT ONLY FOR WOMEN! MEN, YOU GET OUT THERE, TOO, AND GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS BOOK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT US, "WOMEN"! WE deserve to receive what this book has to offer us and you, what YOU deserve to LEARN to apply to us what you have learned from it! Men, those days of getting only what YOU want, then rolling over and going to sleep, snoring as LOUD as can be, FORGET ABOUT IT! Life is changing as you know it . . . RIGHT NOW!
I have to admit I HAVE done searches online looking around for a pill for women like me to have to be able to use just like the men do! I found NOTHING! WHY ARE THESE ONLY FOR MEN? I MUST say it again, “where IS the pill for women?” We should be able to have one of the pills, too, because menopause does a number on us! I found myself asking why is the PILL for MEN an exclusive ONLY for men? Being a woman past menopause, or postmenopausal as the physicians like to cram down our throats, like it or not, sometimes we women need a little extra, ‘Ooomph’! to get going, or I'll be honest and say that we need something MORE to GET us going when that has NEVER been an issue in the past. Our hormones have GREATLY changed, and to be frank, WE need a little help like the men do, too! In ALL my research for women, I've found absolutely NOTHING for women! NOTHING! Why? Although, why was I shocked? It seems as if ALL medical medication, testing and more is ALWAYS based upon MEN! Surprise, surprise I couldn’t find a THING about a pill or help for women! Instead, I found this book! A “book”, you say? Oh, boy! Thanks! No! Really! This book DOES HELP, IT DOES WORK!!! I promise! Read it! There is so MUCH “SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN” information in this book all about sex and regarding so MANY issues as we go through (as we age) and about so many different stages in our lives, as well as problems/situations we may come across, too. I feel this book is SO helpful for women even if you don’t think you have ANYTHING WRONG, it would STILL be a SHAME to miss out and not SHARE this book with all of you because it can only “HELP” us WOMEN in GREAT ways! Who knows? Maybe one day you WILL have one of these issues. You’ll be MORE than prepared for it with this book on hand! Or, if not, then you have this book at your fingertips to be able to read about it! As a last resort, if you purchase this as an ebook, NO ONE will know what you are reading about, either! LOL! Read away! Men, too! 
Sex is meant to be beautiful and to fill our lives with intimacy. We are sexual creatures. When there are problems, and they DO always happen, if you have read this book, or still have it and refer back to it, (that's the best part, referring back to it!) this book can only help you. So many times sexual issues are happening because of health issues we have no control over, or need to get control over. For instance, for men, if they don't work, then something is seriously wrong and they need to get in to see a doctor immediately! That's the truth. You don't just keep putting off sex until it's a year or longer since the last time. When things like that happen, it only starts to produce anger. Anger and sex don't go together, not even make-up sex. It's not worth it. The reason to have this book is EVERYTHING in this book applies to ALL of us women especially during many different times throughout our lives. I cannot sit on this information and keep it a secret all to myself and NOT write a review! So, here you go, and may the communication between you and your partner about your sex life “together” get better and better because that is where it starts, with communication. Without it, you may as well forget everything. Communication is VITAL in life with everyone you come into contact with, but MOST especially, our partners, especially when it comes to intimacy. Remember, without communication, our spouses cannot read our minds, NOR can we expect them too when it gets right down to it.
Buy this book! You never know if you will need it in now or in the future. READ IT NOW, TOO! Having this book on hand puts you that much closer to having ALL your answers to ANY question at hand! You never know what you’ll learn, too, no matter what age you are! I truly mean that, too.
I received this book for FREE from the publisher, Simon and Schuster, in exchange to read and write a review about this book. It is NOT required for this review to be either positive or negative, but of my own honest opinion. "Free" means I was provided with ZERO MONIES to read this book nor to write this review, but to enjoy the pure pleasure of reading it. I am disclosing this information in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255, Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual well-being; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.

And Emily Nagoski can prove it.




To be a sex educator is to be asked questions. I’ve stood in college dining halls with a plate of food in my hands answering questions about orgasm. I’ve been stopped in hotel lobbies at professional conferences to answer questions about vibrators. I’ve sat on a park bench, checking social media on my phone, only to find questions from a stranger about her asymmetrical genitals. I’ve gotten emails from students, from friends, from their friends, from total strangers about sexual desire, sexual arousal, sexual pleasure, sexual pain, orgasm, fetishes, fantasies, bodily fluids, and more.

Questions like . . .

• Once my partner initiates, I’m into it, but it seems like it never even occurs to me to be the one to start things. Why is that?

• My boyfriend was like, “You’re not ready, you’re still dry.” But I was so ready. So why wasn’t I wet?

• I saw this thing about women who can’t enjoy sex because they worry about their bodies the whole time. That’s me. How do I stop doing that?

• I read something about women who stop wanting sex after a while in a relationship, even if they still love their partner. That’s me. How do I start wanting sex with my partner again?

• I think maybe I peed when I had an orgasm . . . ?

• I think maybe I’ve never had an orgasm . . . ?

Under all these questions, there’s really just one question:

Am I normal?

(The answer is nearly always: Yes.)

This book is a collection of answers. They’re answers that I’ve seen change women’s lives, answers informed by the most current science and by the personal stories of women whose growing understanding of sex has transformed their relationships with their own bodies. These women are my heroines, and I hope that by telling their stories, I’ll empower you to follow your own path, to reach for and achieve your own profound and unique sexual potential.

After all the books that have been written about sex, all the blogs and TV shows and radio Q&As, how can it be that we all still have so many questions?

Well. The frustrating reality is we’ve been lied to—not deliberately, it’s no one’s fault, but still. We were told the wrong story.

For a long, long time in Western science and medicine, women’s sexuality was viewed as Men’s Sexuality Lite—basically the same but not quite as good.

For instance, it was just sort of assumed that since men have orgasms during penis-in-vagina sex (intercourse), women should have orgasms with intercourse too, and if they don’t, it’s because they’re broken.

In reality, about 30 percent of women orgasm reliably with intercourse. The other 70 percent sometimes, rarely, or never orgasm with intercourse, and they’re all healthy and normal. A woman might orgasm lots of other ways—manual sex, oral sex, vibrators, breast stimulation, toe sucking, pretty much any way you can imagine—and still not orgasm during intercourse. That’s normal.

It was just assumed, too, that because a man’s genitals typically behave the way his mind is behaving—if his penis is erect, he’s feeling turned on—a woman’s genitals should also match her emotional experience.

And again, some women do, many don’t. A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and experience “arousal nonconcordance,” where the behavior of her genitals (being wet or dry) may not match her mental experience (feeling turned on or not).

And it was also assumed that because men experience spontaneous, out-of-the-blue desire for sex, women should also want sex spontaneously.

Again it turns out that’s true sometimes, but not necessarily. A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and never experience spontaneous sexual desire. Instead, she may experience “responsive” desire, in which her desire emerges only in a highly erotic context.

In reality, women and men are different.

But wait. Women and men both experience orgasm, desire, and arousal, and men, too, can experience responsive desire, arousal nonconcordance, and lack of orgasm with penetration. Women and men both can fall in love, fantasize, masturbate, feel puzzled about sex, and experience ecstatic pleasure. They both can ooze fluids, travel forbidden paths of sexual imagination, encounter the unexpected and startling ways that sex shows up in every domain of life—and confront the unexpected and startling ways that sex sometimes declines, politely or otherwise, to show up.

So . . . are women and men really that different?

The problem here is that we’ve been taught to think about sex in terms of behavior, rather than in terms of the biological, psychological, and social processes underlying the behavior. We think about our physiological behavior—blood flow and genital secretions and heart rate. We think about our social behavior—what we do in bed, whom we do it with, and how often. A lot of books about sex focus on those things; they tell you how many times per week the average couple has sex or they offer instructions on how to have an orgasm, and they can be helpful.

But if you really want to understand human sexuality, behavior alone won’t get you there. Trying to understand sex by looking at behavior is like trying to understand love by looking at a couple’s wedding portrait . . . and their divorce papers. Being able to describe what happened—two people got married and then got divorced—doesn’t get us very far. What we want to know is why and how it came to be. Did our couple fall out of love after they got married, and that’s why they divorced? Or were they never in love but were forced to marry, and finally became free when they divorced? Without better evidence, we’re mostly guessing.

Until very recently, that’s how it’s been for sex—mostly guessing. But we’re at a pivotal moment in sex science because, after decades of research describing what happens in human sexual response, we’re finally figuring out the why and how—the process underlying the behavior.

In the last decade of the twentieth century, researchers Erick Janssen and John Bancroft at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction developed a model of human sexual response that provides an organizing principle for understanding the true story of sex. According to their “dual control model,” the sexual response mechanism in our brains consists of a pair of universal components—a sexual accelerator and sexual brakes—and those components respond to broad categories of sexual stimuli—including genital sensations, visual stimulation, and emotional context. And the sensitivity of each component varies from person to person.

The result is that sexual arousal, desire, and orgasm are nearly universal experiences, but when and how we experience them depends largely on the sensitivities of our “brakes” and “accelerator” and on the kind of stimulation they’re given.

This is the mechanism underlying the behavior—the why and the how. And it’s the rule that governs the story I’ll be telling in this book: We’re all made of the same parts, but in each of us, those parts are organized in a unique way that changes over our lifespan.

No organization is better or worse than any other, and no phase in our life span is better or worse than any other; they’re just different. An apple tree can be healthy no matter what variety of apple it is—though one variety may need constant direct sunlight and another might enjoy some shade. And an apple tree can be healthy when it’s a seed, when it’s a seedling, as it’s growing, and as it fades at the end of the season, as well as when, in late summer, it is laden with fruit. But it has different needs at each of those phases in its life.

You, too, are healthy and normal at the start of your sexual development, as you grow, and as you bear the fruits of living with confidence and joy inside your body. You are healthy when you need lots of sun, and you’re healthy when you enjoy some shade. That’s the true story. We are all the same. We are all different. We are all normal.

the organization of this book

The book is divided into four parts: (1) The (Not-So-Basic) Basics; (2) Sex in Context; (3) Sex in Action; and (4) Ecstasy for Everybody. The three chapters in the first part describe the basic hardware you were born with—a body, a brain, and a world. In chapter 1, I talk about genitals—their parts, the meaning we impose on those parts, and the science that proves definitively that yes, your genitals are perfectly healthy and beautiful just as they are. Chapter 2 details the sexual response mechanism in the brain—the dual control model of inhibition and excitation, or brakes and accelerator. Then in chapter 3, I introduce the ways that your sexual brakes and accelerator interact with the many other systems in your brain and environment, to shape whether a particular sensation or person turns you on, right now, in this moment.

In the second part of the book, “Sex in Context,” we think about how all the basic hardware functions within the context of your actual life—your emotions, your relationship, your feelings about your body, and your attitudes toward sex. Chapter 4 focuses on two primary emotional systems, love and stress, and the surprising and contradictory ways they can influence your sexual responsiveness. Then chapter 5 describes the cultural forces that shape and constrain sexual functioning, and how you can maximize the good things about this process and overcome the destructive things. What we’ll learn is that context—your external circumstances and your present mental state—is as crucial to your sexual wellbeing as your body and brain. Master the content in these chapters and your sexual life will transform—along with, quite possibly, the rest of your life.

The third part of the book, “Sex in Action,” is about sexual response itself, and I bust two long-standing and dangerous myths. Chapter 6 lays out the evidence that sexual arousal may or may not have anything to do with what’s happening in your genitals. This is where we learn why arousal non-concordance, which I mentioned earlier, is normal and healthy. And after you read chapter 7, you will never again hear someone say “sex drive” without thinking to yourself, Ah, but sex is not a drive. In this chapter I explain how “responsive desire” works. If you (or your partner) have ever experienced a change in your interest in sex—increase or decrease—this is an important chapter for you.

And the fourth part of the book, “Ecstasy for Everybody,” explains how to make sex entirely yours, which is how you create peak sexual ecstasy in your life. Chapter 8 is about orgasms—what they are, what they’re not, how to have them, and how to make them like the ones you read about, the ones that turn the stars into rainbows. And finally, in Chapter 9, I describe the single most important thing you can do to improve your sex life. But I’ll give it away right now: It turns out what matters most is not the parts you are made of or how they are organized, but how you feel about those parts. When you embrace your sexuality precisely as it is right now, that’s the context that creates the greatest potential for ecstatic pleasure.

Several chapters include worksheets or other interactive activities and exercises. A lot of these are fun—like in chapter 3, I ask you to think about times when you’ve had great sex and identify what aspects of the context helped to make that sex great. All of them turn the science into something practical that can genuinely transform your sex life.

Throughout the book, you’ll follow the stories of four women—Olivia, Merritt, Camilla, and Laurie. These women don’t exist as individuals; they’re composites, integrating the real stories of the many women I’ve taught, talked with, emailed, and supported in my two decades as a sex educator. You can imagine each woman as a collage of snapshots—the face from one photograph, the arms from another, the feet from a third . . . each part represents someone real, and the collection hangs together meaningfully, but I’ve invented the relationships that the parts have to each other.

I’ve chosen to construct these composites rather than tell the stories of specific women for two reasons. First, people tell me their stories in confidence, and I want to protect their identities, so I’ve changed details in order to keep their story their story. And second, I believe I can describe the widest possible variety of women’s sexual experiences by focusing not on specific stories of one individual woman but on the larger narratives that contain the common themes I’ve seen in all these hundreds of women’s lives.

And finally, at the end of each chapter you’ll find a “to-do” list—“too long; didn’t read,” the blunt Internet abbreviation that means, “Just get to the point.” Each to-do list briefly summarizes the four most important messages in the chapter. If you find yourself thinking, “My friend Alice should totally read this chapter!” or “I really wish my partner knew this,” you might start by showing them the to-do list.I Or, if you’re like me and get too excited about these ideas to keep them to yourself, you can follow your partner around the house, reading the to-do list out loud and saying, “See, honey, arousal nonconcordance is a thing!” or “It turns out I have responsive desire!” or “You give me great context, sweetie!”

a couple of caveats.

First, most of the time when I say “women” in this book, I mean people who were born in female bodies, were raised as girls, and now have the social role and psychological identity of “woman.” There are plenty of women who don’t fit one or more of those characteristics, but there’s too little research on trans* and genderqueer sexual functioning for me to say with certainty whether what’s true about cisgender women’s sexual wellbeing is also true for trans* folks. I think it probably is, and as more research emerges over the coming decade we’ll find out, but in the meantime I want to acknowledge that this is basically a book about cisgender women.

And if you don’t know what any of that means, don’t worry about it.

Second, I am passionate about the role of science in promoting women’s sexual well being, and I have worked hard in this book to encapsulate the research in the service of teaching women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. But I’ve been very intentional about the empirical details I’ve included or excluded. I asked myself, “Does this fact help women have better sex lives, or is it just a totally fascinating and important empirical puzzle?”

And I cut the puzzles.

I kept only the science that has the most immediate relevance in women’s everyday lives. So what you’ll find in these pages isn’t the whole story of women’s sexuality—I’m not sure the whole story would actually fit in one book. Instead, I’ve included the parts of the story that I’ve found most powerful in my work as a sex educator, promoting women’s sexual well being, autonomy, and pleasure.

The purpose of this book is to offer a new, science-based way of thinking about women’s sexual wellbeing. Like all new ways of thinking, it opens up a lot of questions and challenges much preexisting knowledge. If you want to dive deeper, you’ll find references in the notes, along with details about my process for boiling down a complex and multifaceted body of research into something practical.

if you feel broken, or know someone who does

One more thing before we get into chapter 1. Remember how I said we’ve all been lied to, but it’s no one’s fault? I want to take a moment to recognize the damage done by that lie.

So many women come to my blog or to my class or to my public talks convinced that they are sexually broken. They feel dysfunctional. Abnormal. And on top of that, they feel anxious, frustrated, and hopeless about the lack of information and support they’ve received from medical professionals, therapists, partners, family, and friends.

“Just relax,” they’ve been told. “Have a glass of wine.”

Or, “Women just don’t want sex that much. Get over it.”

Or, “Sometimes sex hurts—can’t you just ignore it?”

I understand the frustration these women experience, and the despair—and in the second half of the book I talk about the neurological process that traps people in frustration and despair, shutting them off from hope and joy, and I describe science-based ways to get out of the trap.

Here’s what I need you to know right now: The information in this book will show you that whatever you’re experiencing in your sexuality—whether it’s challenges with arousal, desire, orgasm, pain, no sexual sensations—is the result of your sexual response mechanism functioning appropriately . . . in an inappropriate world. You are normal; it is the world around you that’s broken.

That’s actually the bad news.

The good news is that when you understand how your sexual response mechanism works, you can begin to take control of your environment and your brain in order to maximize your sexual potential, even in a broken world. And when you change your environment and your brain, you can change—and heal—your sexual functioning.

This book contains information that I have seen transform women’s sexual wellbeing. I’ve seen it transform men’s understanding of their women partners. I’ve seen same-sex couples look at each other and say, “Oh. So that’s what was going on.” Students, friends, blog readers, and even fellow sex educators have read a blog post or heard me give a talk and said, “Why didn’t anyone tell me this before? It explains everything!”

I know for sure that what I’ve written in this book can help you. It may not be enough to heal all the wounds inflicted on your sexuality by a culture in which it sometimes feels nearly impossible for a woman to “do” sexuality right, but it will provide powerful tools in support of your healing.

How do I know?

Evidence, of course!

At the end of one semester, I asked my 187 students to write down one really important thing they learned in my class. Here’s a small sample of what they wrote:

I am normal!


I learned that everything is NORMAL, making it possible to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy.

I learned that I am normal! And I learned that some people have spontaneous desire and others have responsive desire and this fact helped me really understand my personal life.

Women vary! And just because I do not experience my sexuality in the same way as many other women, that does not make me abnormal.

Women’s sexual desire, arousal, response, etc., is incredibly varied.

The one thing I can count on regarding sexuality is that people vary, a lot.

That everyone is different and everything is normal; no two alike.

No two alike!

And many more. More than half of them wrote some version of “I am normal.”

I sat in my office and read those responses with tears in my eyes. There was something urgently important to my students about feeling “normal,” and somehow my class had cleared a path to that feeling.

The science of women’s sexual well-being is young, and there is much still to be learned. But this young science has already discovered truths about women’s sexuality that have transformed my students’ relationships with their bodies—and it has certainly transformed mine. I wrote this book to share the science, stories, and sex-positive insights that prove to us that, despite our culture’s vested interest in making us feel broken, dysfunctional, unlovely, and unlovable, we are in fact fully capable of confident, joyful sex.

•  •  •

The promise of Come as You Are is this: No matter where you are in your sexual journey right now, whether you have an awesome sex life and want to expand the awesomeness, or you’re struggling and want to find solutions, you will learn something that will improve your sex life and transform the way you understand what it means to be a sexual being. And you’ll discover that, even if you don’t yet feel that way, you are already sexually whole and healthy.

The science says so.

I can prove it.

I. I’ll use “they” as a singular pronoun, rather than “he or she” throughout the book. It’s simpler, as well as more inclusive of folks outside the gender binary.
Excerpted from Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. Copyright © 2015 by Emily Nagoski. Excerpted by permission of Simon & Schuster. All right reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

KINDLE:  $11.99
PRINT:    $11.02
AUDIBLE: $0.00 - limited time only!